i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Randomize
