Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I just found a bag of teeth...
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
