this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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