Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
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Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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