I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
