i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
