Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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