She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
