Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Randomize
