mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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