There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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