Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Randomize
