My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
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Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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