i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
