Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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