a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I will pee on everything he values.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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