i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
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