Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Randomize
