Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
