it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
