My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
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