You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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