apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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