my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
