I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
