so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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