$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
