i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
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