Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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