so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
