hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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