It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
