Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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