i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
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I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
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I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!