"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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