Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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