you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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