it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
