glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Randomize
