Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
