i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
