Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
please don't ironically join a cult
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
