The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Me too!
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
