i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
