it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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