and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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