Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
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