Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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