I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
