About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
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