I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
