I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
