Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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