We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
