My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Why is there bacon in the couch?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
