i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
where are you?
Hypothermia
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Randomize
