The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize