the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
