Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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