drunk tastebuds have low standards.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
